Today I feel completely drained. It’s due to the months/years of sleep-deprivation, plus the ongoing 3-year-old tantrums and arguments. My daughter throws tantrums pretty much every morning for various reasons, but usually to do with food or clothing.
This morning she was mad that I mixed her fruit-on-top yogurt, which I always do — because otherwise she won’t eat the yogurt and will only eat the fruit. Yesterday morning she threw a fit because she didn’t want the lemon yogurt mixed with maple syrup that she asked for. So she asked her dad for a peach yogurt, which he gave her, and then she decided she didn’t want to eat that either and continued having a tantrum. Ultimately I ended up spoon-feeding her the peach yogurt because that’s what she insisted on (because baby brother is spoon-fed). On Monday morning she threw a giant, foaming-at-the-mouth tantrum because her shirt got a little bit wet when she brushed her teeth and Spencer told her she couldn’t change it because it was already time to leave for school. And ultimately I did let her pick a new shirt after she took off the (very slightly) wet one. You must choose your battles wisely.
As you can imagine, the constant tantrums are exhausting for me to deal with. It makes me fantasize a bit about having a full-time job so that I can put her in full-time daycare and have a bit more of a break. Thank goodness for the 9 hours a week of preschool. But even when my daughter is at school, I am still taking care of my baby, and trying to fit in my meal planning and grocery shopping, cleaning, and part-time publicity job.
So, today I feel emotionally and physically exhausted and it’s not a big surprise. Until my baby starts sleeping through the night, (which will probably not happen until he is weaned, or until I start sleeping in the living room and wearing earplugs) I am a round-the-clock caregiver. There is little time for self-care.
But there has to be. Self-care is essential for everyone, and I think it is especially important for moms of tiny kids. My prenatal yoga teacher used to read a quote that was something like, “You cannot pour your life into others unless you first fill your own cup.” Tiny kids need a lot of love, and we want to give it to them, but we can’t if we don’t also take care of ourselves.
Sometimes self-care can mean saying yes to things. For me, saying yes to having my daughter in preschool has helped me a lot, as I mentioned. I also try to make time for exercise – I do yoga videos at home, and I found a fun Saturday morning zumba class. I also say yes to taking my kids on lots of fun outings because it’s not just for them. It is super important for me to get out, be around other people, and have fun.
Self-care can also mean setting appropriate boundaries and saying no to things that drain your energy. I’ve learned to set better boundaries over the years. For one, I only have limited energy and most of it is taken up by my tinies.
For me, self-care also means letting go of perfectionism and lowering my expectations of myself a little bit. I am not a perfect mom. I don’t have a perfectly clean house or make gourmet meals every night. Are those the ingredients that would create a perfect mom anyway?
How about this more honest assessment. I am not a perfect mom. I don’t know how to deal with every tantrum. I don’t know how to find the perfect balance of positive discipline and love. I often forget to make my daughter clean up her messes. I am usually late to things. Sometimes I yell at my daughter, and sometimes I have to apologize for getting mad at her when she’s just being a normal 3-year-old.
I can’t ever be the perfect mom because the perfect mom does not exist. That is okay. I am doing the best I can, and making time to take care of myself makes me a better mom than I would be otherwise.
Thanks for reading. What do you do to take care of yourself?