Exactly four years ago tonight I was in a hospital room in Portland, hooked up to an external fetal monitor, waiting for my life to change. I had the same feeling I get when I’m about to go on a trip somewhere – the excitement and anxiety of a new adventure waiting to unfold.
And it has been an adventure indeed. The process of becoming a mom was a bit like entering an alternate universe where the idea of an unbroken 9 hour night of sleep was the stuff of fantasy. A world where my body didn’t really belong to me. Now, with a son who’s just turned 1, I’ve been either pregnant or breastfeeding for the past 4 years and 9 months.
I’m not sure if these past four years have gone by in a flash or if they’ve crept by incredibly slowly. But I do know that I remember the time before motherhood now as if it were a dream.
Happy Birthday tomorrow to my sweet daughter. You are a fierce, playful, quick-witted, resilient bringer of joy. I can’t imagine life without you Marie. Last week we just finished our first chapter book read-aloud – C.S. Lewis’ The Silver Chair. This evening as we walked down the hill to visit my grandmother, you ran through the cherry blossoms and shouted, “It’s raining cherry blossoms!”
And to dear little Paul who just turned 1 on Easter: We love you and are so thankful you joined our family. Paul with the gap-toothed grin and the curly red-gold hair. At this age you are like a little caveman wandering about our apartment, communicating by pointing. You know the signs for “more,” “all done,” and “please.” When you get mad, your fair skin turns bright red, and you also like to throw yourself down on the floor and cry. On your birthday we sat around my parent’s dining room table and everyone said something we appreciate about you. Except Marie, who said, “No, I don’t want to talk about Paul. I want to talk about Jesus, because it’s Easter.”
But I know the truth – she loves you. I’m in love with you both, and am looking forward to getting to know you more in the years to come. I’m praying that God will bless you both deeply, that you will be far from harm’s way, that you will be filled with a deep peace and love that overflow into those around you.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord. “Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11