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This has been a year like none other in my lifetime. It’s hard to put all of the feelings and experiences of 2020 into words, so I’m picking a song list to express some of what this year has meant to me. If you’re a sensitive soul like me, you might want some tissues by your side while listening to these songs and let yourself have some good catharsis. But I’m also throwing in a couple of silly songs too, because we have to find things to laugh about.

  1. If the World was Ending by JP Saxe. “I know, you know, we know/You weren’t down for forever and it’s fine/I know, you know, we know/we weren’t meant for each other and it’s fine/but if the world was ending /you’d come over right?” This had to make the cut, since it’s a love song about the apocalypse, and it’s been getting a lot of radio play this year. This song was a hit last fall, and they didn’t even know what was about to hit us.
  2. How to Save a Life by The Fray. “Where did I go wrong/I lost a friend/Somewhere along in the bitterness/And I would have stayed up with you all night/Had I known how to save a life.” This is a song about suicide prevention, but it could also apply to other ways that lives are saved including the very real heroes in the healthcare industry who’ve been on the frontlines of this pandemic. Most of us have been taking extreme precautions this year in order to save lives — that’s what the lockdowns are for. Additionally this has been a really tough year for many of us in terms of mental health, and we all need to have and to be those lifesaving friends who would be willing to stay up all night with us if needed.
  3. Lockdown by Anderson Paak. “Sicker than COVID, how they did him on the ground/Speaking of COVID, is it still goin round?/Oh won’t you tell me bout the lootin, what’s that really all about/cause they throw away black lives like paper towels.” A song about the Black Lives Matter protests.
  4. Let Go by Frou Frou from the Garden State soundtrack. “There’s beauty in the breakdown.” We still found some joy and beauty this year, even though our world turned upside down and we lost normalcy.
  5. I See Fire by Ed Sheeran. This song is from the soundtrack to The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug. Such a beautiful and sad song especially in light of the tragic month we had with wildfires in September. I will never forget Labor Day 2020, when my phone kept beeping with emergency alerts as the McKenzie Holiday Farm fire burned out of control and smoke filled our skies, giving Eugene/Springfield some of the most dangerous air quality in the world for more than a week. (Read my post from September 2020: The air outside is poisoned).
  6. Trampoline by SHAED. “Wait if I’m on fire/How am I so deep in love/When I dream of dying/I never feel so loved.” Another one for our wildfire season, and the general apocalyptic feeling of this whole year. But this is also a song about love — which is all we have left when everything else is lost.
  7. Together by King & Country. “If we fall, we will fall together. When we rise, we will rise together.” Literally a song written about COVID, and the music video was filmed in the artists’ homes during quarantine. Bringing hope to a very dark time.
  8. You’ll be back from Hamilton, performed by Jonathan Groff. It was fun getting introduced to Hamilton this year after it came out on Disney +. And Jonathan Groff’s performance of a sociopathic king was so spot on. I am including this song in honor of the political climate in this crazy election year.
  9. Man in Black by Johnny Cash. “I wear black for the poor and beaten down/living in the hopeless, hungry side of town/I wear it for the prisoner who has long paid for his crime/but is there because he’s a victim of the time.” I’m including this song in honor of my son Paul, who is a big Johnny Cash fan. This is a song about fighting for social justice, and this is fight that needs to keep on keeping on, especially during a time when so many people are suffering.
  10. Someday from Zombies. I mean, why not add zombies to the mix this year to make it into a zombie apocalypse? We discovered the Zombies musicals on Disney+ this fall and my kids loved them.
  11. Resilient by Rising Appalachia. “So what are we doing here?/What has been done?/What are you gonna do about it when the world comes undone?/My voice feels tiny and I’m sure so does yours/But put us all together/we make a mighty roar.”

Really there should be 12 songs on this list for each of the twelve months. What song would you nominate for number 12?

I guess what I can say about this awful time is this: It is a remarkable opportunity for spiritual growth. We would be wise to receive it as such. I have a mental picture of humanity entering into a chrysalis and eventually emerging transformed into something better and more beautiful. The transformation process itself is painful, but there can be something beautiful waiting for us on the other side if we allow change to take hold.

I know that we are all antsy for things to reopen. We’d like to move on from this and go back to the way things were before. Unfortunately there is no going back at this point. Reopening is not a magic wand that will make this all go away. If not done wisely and with an abundance of precaution, reopening will simply lead to a lot of unnecessary suffering and death.

I have compassion for the desire to reopen because I am feeling that as well. Even though I do not agree with the decision for faith communities to reopen, I understand the desire to do so.

And yet. While my faith is essential, attending a large church gathering is not. I like going to church and it has been an important part of my life for more than 20 years. I especially like dropping my kids off in childcare so that I can breathe for an hour without being pestered. But it is not necessary for me to attend church in order to connect with God, or even to connect with other people in my church. Since our lockdown began in March, I have stayed connected to my faith community through zoom chats, phone calls, texts, and YouTube livestreams. I have dropped off groceries for homeless youth at our church building (while wearing a mask) and chatted with several other women from church who were also masked. The church can continue and even flourish without a large public worship gathering. God will not be stopped by our sheltering in place. God is not confined to a church building. God is with us wherever we go.

When considering whether or not to attend a church gathering, I would urge you not to look at it through the lens of your constitutional right to gather in worship. Rather, look through the lens of how Christ’s teachings can inform your decision.

“This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” — John 15:12-13

How does this verse speak to you in light of the question of whether or not to attend or reopen your church?

Different interpretations are possible, but in the current context it speaks to me of laying down our rights to gather in order to protect the lives of the vulnerable in our community. I would also point out that choosing to reopen church doors may not be the best way to share Christ’s love with your community. Many people have been choosing to shelter in place not out of concern for their own health, but as an act of kindness to slow the spread of COVID and save the lives of the vulnerable in their community. Reopening churches = more community spread = putting vulnerable people at greater risk even if they are not choosing to attend gatherings. Alternatively, why not consider gathering with a handful of church friends to watch a livestream of your service or study scripture together?

My family and I will continue sheltering at home for now even though this is making me lose my freaking mind. I will use this opportunity to become more grounded in my faith and emerge on the other side of this stronger and more resilient. At least, that’s what I’ll keep telling myself.

Hope to see you on the other side, butterflies.

 

 

 

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P.S. Not sure why exactly, but this post makes me think of the song Let Go by Frou Frou from the Garden State soundtrack. “It’s alright, cuz there’s beauty in the breakdown.” What song would you choose for this chapter in the soundtrack of your life?